Not-Quite-Christmas-Carols Redux II
by jackwabbit
Summary: Another visit to the Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt Challenge. Twenty-four standalone fics. All SG-1 this year. And this year, well, anything goes. Some fics are holiday-themed, but others? Not so much. Summaries, titles, warnings, etc for each story/chapter inside.
1. Good Enough

**Good Enough**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Double Drabble. Gen, H/C, Humor. Jack POV.  
Season: Any, but probably 5-7ish.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Sometimes only an expert will do, but other times, well, good enough is plenty good enough.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Trail. _Not a holiday fic, though._  
_

xxx

It's funny, really.

I mean, you're way better at this than I am, yet here I am holding your guts in after tracking your ass halfway across a desert wasteland.

I don't even want to think about how you landed in this mess, so instead I snort while I reposition my hands on your wound. I'm sure that seems crazy, but if I don't laugh, I might cry, and I don't have the time or energy for that.

I laugh because I once let it slip that I barely passed my tracking exercises back in training, and you've given me grief about that ever since.

Oh, if you could see me now. The irony is just too much. I'm sure if you were conscious, you'd agree with me. Or at least give me the eyebrow.

But you're not, and none of that matters.

All that matters is that you'll live.

That's all I care about.

Well, that and the fact that this'll shut you up for good.

See, you once said I couldn't track an elephant.

Wrong.

Apparently, I can follow a trail just fine, Teal'c.

I found you, didn't I?

And like that elephant, I won't soon forget that.


	2. Justice is Served

**Justice is Served**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Gen, Humor. Team.  
Season: Early Two.  
Spoilers: References "Within the Serpent's Grasp."  
Summary: Sometimes justice is served with a gun. Other times, a fork does the job.  
Word Count: 1061.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Pie._ Not a holiday fic, though.

xxx

Jack grimaced as he bit into the protein bar in his hand.

"You know," he said, "you'd think you'd get used to eating this crap, but you never do."

On the other side of their small campsite, Sam mutely nodded her agreement, her own mouth full of dry granola, just as Daniel emerged from his tent.

"Yeah," said Daniel, "I'd kill for a pizza right about now."

Sam groaned. "Oh, that's just not nice, Daniel.

Jack tossed a pebble in Daniel's direction. "Yeah, no talking about pizza right now. It's bad enough we're stuck here babysitting those bozos without you bringing up real food."

Daniel sighed. "Okay, first off, those bozos are geologists, and they're doing work that might actually come in handy in our fight against the Goa'uld. Second, sorry. It just sounded good."

"That it does," agreed Sam, tossing half of her granola bar back into her pack and making a sour face at it.

Jack rolled his eyes, clearly dismissing Daniel's defense of the scientists, but then sighed.

"Yeah, since you brought it up, no harm in agreeing," he said. "How 'bout we hit up Longo's when we get back?"

"Deal," answered Daniel and Sam in unison.

Suddenly, a deep voice entered the conversation as Teal'c appeared from the woods surrounding the camp.

"What is this 'pizza' you speak of?"

Jack, Sam, and Daniel stared at Teal'c for a full twenty seconds before Sam blinked and spoke.

"You mean you've never had pizza, Teal'c?"

Teal'c shook his head. "I do not believe so, Captain Carter."

"Wait a second," said Daniel. "You've lived on Earth for almost a year. In the SGC, even. And you've never had pizza?"

"As I said, Daniel Jackson, I do not believe so," answered Teal'c.

Daniel stared at Jack. "Jack? Um…"

"Yeah," said Jack. "I'm not sure how that could have happened, either. Teal'c, are you sure you've never had it?"

"Perhaps if you describe it to me, I will be more certain," said Teal'c.

Sam made a gesture with her hands, indicating a large, round object. "It's a big, round, flat, um…"

Sam stopped, clearly not sure what else to say, and Daniel picked up the description.

"It's got a crust on the bottom, and then there's cheese and vegetables, like onions and peppers and mushrooms and…"

Jack interrupted. "And meat. Lots of meat."

Daniel shot Jack an annoyed look and continued on. "And you bake it all together. There's sauce, too. Usually tomato. And you bake it until it's all warm and gooey and, oh…why am I doing this to myself?"

He flopped backwards on the ground, one hand on his stomach, clearly having just made his craving a lot worse, but he apparently accomplished his goal, because Teal'c nodded.

"I believe I know what you mean. It is a Tintakauri."

For the second time in only a few minutes, the rest of SG-1 stared at Teal'c. This time, he broke the silence himself by continuing.

"A traditional Jaffa dish made in a shallow pan with bread, meat, spices, and vegetables. The bread forms the bottom of the dish and the other ingredients sit atop it. It is quite delicious. I have often lamented the lack of such a thing on Earth."

Daniel blinked slowly. "I actually think we've got that covered, Teal'c."

"I am most looking forward to deciding that for myself, Daniel Jackson."

"So, yeah. Longo's it is, then?" asked Jack.

"Definitely," said Sam, as Daniel nodded his agreement as well.

Teal inclined his head toward Jack. "I also concur. I shall try this dish of yours."

Jack clapped his hands together. "Good! Now that that's settled, can we stop talking about it until we get off this rock and back home?"

"Indeed," said Teal'c. "Though I wonder if this establishment also serves Tinkolomin?"

"What?" asked Jack.

"A similar dish, but made only with fruits. And usually there is a second layer of crust over the top of it."

"Pie!" exclaimed Daniel. "I think he means pie!"

Teal'c raised one eyebrow at Daniel. "That seems far too simple a word for the dish I mean, Doctor Jackson."

Sam grinned. "Yeah, but I think he's right. It does sound like pie."

Teal'c seemed about to argue his case further when Jack spoke. "Hey, T?"

"Yes, O'Neill?"

"Remember our conversation about zats?"

Teal'c nodded. "Indeed. I assume you mean the one in which you refused to call them by their proper name of Zat'nik'tel?"

Jack grinned. "That's the one."

A beat of silence followed Jack's words. Then Teal'c nodded, conceding Jack's point. "Pie it is then."

Sam laughed, and the conversation looked to be over, but then Daniel raised one finger in the air. "Actually," he said, "that reference is more appropriate than you probably realize. One, pizza is a form of pie, and pie is a shortened word itself. It comes from _piehus_, meaning bakery, and…"

Three sets of eyes showing the same exasperated and slightly leery expression met Daniel's words, and he trailed off.

"You know what? Never mind," he said, with a dismissive hand gesture. "Pie works just fine."

At Daniel's self-censure, Sam smirked, Jack looked relived, and Teal'c nodded slightly.

Because the fact was that pie did work just fine. It took the team almost two weeks to prove that point, but prove it they did when they took Teal'c to their favorite pizza joint and he declared the pizza nearly as good as the Tintakauri of Chulak and the pie he had for desert actually superior to Tinkolomin.

Of course, Daniel insisted on finishing his etymology talk then, as well as discussing the history of pizza, but no one minded. In fact, SG-1 was in fine spirits, and even a too-long dissertation by their resident archeologist couldn't dampen their spirits.

After all, a wrong was righted in the universe that day. A wrong that had nothing to do with alien threats, energy sources, or cutting-edge weapons, but was nonetheless important to the team. And the fact that it was pretty easy to fix permanently yet still involved just enough arguing with the powers that be to annoy those powers? Well, that was just a bonus as far as SG-1 was concerned.

After all, who lives on Earth for a year and doesn't get any pizza?

Not their Jaffa. Not if they had anything to say about it.


	3. Cerulean

**Cerulean**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Gen, Humor. Team.  
Season: Any. Carter is a Major.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Christmas is a hard time to have the blues.  
Word Count: 478.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Please Come Home for Christmas (Eagles Song)._ Only one tiny holiday reference.

xxx

Jack heaved a huge sigh, then glared at Daniel.

"You just had to touch it, didn't you?"

Daniel shrugged. "Well…"

Jack held one finger up and pointed at Daniel's chest. "No, really. What'd I say?"

"Sir…" started Sam, but Jack kept going.

"Did I say, 'oh, go on, campers, explore?' No. I said, 'just don't touch anything.' Didn't I say something like that, Teal'c?"

Teal inclined his head toward his team leader. "Indeed, O'Neill. I believe you said exactly that."

"Thank you! At least someone was listening!" said Jack, gesturing grandly in Teal'c's direction before rounding back on Daniel. "But what'd you do? You touched it. And now look at us!"

"I'm sure it's not permanent, Sir," offered Sam.

Jack's glare shifted enough to give his 2IC an eye roll.

"That's not the point, Major."

"Yes, sir," said Sam, managing to extricate herself from the conversation just as Daniel rejoined it.

"It could've been worse," offered the archeologist.

"Yes!" yelled Jack. "It could've! It could've been a lot worse! It could've vaporized us! And THAT is the point!"

"I know, but…" argued Daniel. He didn't get very far, though, before Jack was at him again.

"No! No buts! No arguments, rationalizations, or excuses! Just don't do it again! Are we clear?"

Daniel nodded mutely, choosing discretion as the better part of valor for now.

Jack nodded decisively. "Good. Now let's get out of here."

Daniel held up a hand, about to protest, but again Jack cut him off.

"No, Daniel! We're leaving. A science team can come back here to catalog this stuff. You can come then if you want, but for now, we're leaving. I'm tired and we all need showers. We're going home."

Daniel nodded again as Jack stomped out of the latest cave of wonders SG-1 had found and made his way to the Stargate. After a moment, Sam and Teal'c moved to follow their CO and Daniel slowly went along with them.

He hated to leave, but he couldn't argue Jack's point about cleaning up. He did really need a shower.

Of course, after he took his, he very nearly wished that the ancient booby trap P4X-781 had sprung on them had been fatal.

As he stared at his reflection in the mirror, eyes wide in horror, he nodded to himself. He was pretty sure death would be an improvement over his current situation.

By the end of the week, he was no longer just pretty sure about that. He was certain.

Yes, the next time Daniel Jackson touched something he shouldn't, he'd pray for death.

After all, a mercy killing was far preferable to a week of Jack's glares, and it was most certainly better than the sniggers the rest of the SGC directed at its flagship team when SG-1 showed up at the annual holiday party dyed a quite lovely shade of blue.

xxx

A/N: So, um, yeah. The only line that spoke to me from the song was this one: "Oh what a Christmas to have the blues." Sorry. Except not really. I rather like the idea of a smurfy SG-1.


	4. Damaged

**Damaged**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Triple Drabble. Gen, Angst, Humor. Jacob POV.  
Season: Three.  
Spoilers: Seth.  
Summary: Even with a symbiote, some things don't go away overnight.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Damage. _(Holiday Fic)

xxx

Despite the countless calendar variations we live by, Selmak somehow always knows when it's December back on Earth. Well, I say somehow. It's really not a mystery, since I pay attention to that particular calendar more than any other and thus so does he.

So, anyway. It's Christmas again, and Selmak is doing his best to ignore my seasonal grumpiness, but when the chance to head home for the holidays for the first time since my blending comes along, he gently encourages me to go.

So I do, and Selmak experiences the holidays firsthand.

He wants to do everything, and I indulge him. He is truly like a kid at Christmas, asking questions constantly. Though Selmak certainly understands rituals, Earth's holiday traditions seem to mystify him, which bemuses me. Everything about this is new for him and I find myself smiling at his excitement over something truly novel.

We have a big family dinner, and for the most part, it goes well. Sam, of course, is fine. Mark's wife is lovely, and the children are more fun than should be legal. Both Selmak and I love them, and they take to us easily. Mark himself, though, well, he's another story. We might be on speaking terms now, but things are still awkward.

I meet my son's eyes across the room as I bounce his daughter on my knee and he looks away.

I feel Selmak's gentle nudging again, but this time, I ignore it. He'll give me hell about it later, but I'm just not ready for what he wants.

Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful. I really am. Selmak has given me another chance at life, and I don't want to throw that way, but even with a symbiote, some damages take a lot longer to fix than cancer.


	5. Karma

**Karma**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Double Drabble. Gen, Humor. Jack POV.  
Season: Any.  
Spoilers: Singularity, I suppose.  
Summary: Eventually, one's luck has to change, right?  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Rough. _(Holiday Fic)

xxx

The spirit of Christmas has roped me into all sorts of chores through the years.

I was an elf for Cassie's play. I've made so many last-minute shopping trips I can barely stand to see a mall anymore. I sat at an emergency vet clinic while Cassie's dog had surgery. And yes, I was even a reindeer one year for Charlie's holiday… thing. I still shudder at the sound of those little jingle bells.

So I was understandably less than thrilled when Cassie asked me for another favor.

Of course, being the complete sucker that I am, I still said yes before she elaborated, already imagining more tights and tiny bells.

So imagine my surprise when she told me she needed a judge for a baking contest, and no costume was required. I totally thought she was pulling my leg. I was expecting a last minute change of plans – right up until tonight, when I sampled more types of pie and cake than I knew existed.

I mean, who knew Girl Scouts did that?

I certainly didn't. Tell you what though: I don't mind missing _The Simpsons_ for this.

Yeah, it's a rough job, but somebody's got to do it.


	6. Miracle

**Miracle**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Drabble. Gen, Humor. Jack POV.  
Season: Any.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Maybe miracles really do happen!  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _First. _(Holiday Fic)

xxx

This feels wrong.

I can't remember the last time this happened, or if it ever has at all, for that matter.

It's not even the fifteenth, for crying out loud.

There's just no way. Let me count again.

Daniel, Teal'c, Carter, Siler, Frasier, loads for Cassie, and even an extra for the Secret Santa thing that I'm sure Harriman will rope everyone into.

Yeah, that's everybody.

I still feel like I'm forgetting something or someone, but maybe I'm not.

And maybe, just maybe, I'm done with my Christmas shopping before Christmas Eve.

Huh.

Guess there's a first time for everything.


	7. Rookie Mistake

**Rookie Mistake**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Drabble. Gen, Humor. Jack POV.  
Season: Pre-series.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Everyone makes mistakes, you know.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Stupid. _(Holiday Fic)

xxx

I feel so stupid.

Even with all the idiotic things I've done in my life, I've never done this.

This is a rookie mistake, and as much as I pretend I'm not, I'm long past my first season in the pros.

But I guess everyone makes mistakes, and here I am.

That excuse isn't holding water, though, and if the death glare Sara is giving me is any indication, my charming grin isn't working, either. And Charlie is starting to sniffle. I need to fix this - fast.

Lord, I hope the corner store is open.

And isn't out of batteries.


	8. Revisions

**Revisions**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Gen, humor, angst. Team. Character Focus: Jack, Janet, Cassie.  
Season: One.  
Spoilers: Charlie and Cassandra story arcs.  
Summary: Fortunately, Jack O'Neill's story is still a work in progress.  
Word Count: 1506.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Edit. _(Holiday Fic)

xxx

Cassie looked up at Jack and blinked.

"So, that's it?" she asked.

Jack blinked back. "What do you mean?"

Cassie shrugged. "The snowman just… melts? Just like that?"

"Well, yeah," said Jack, with his own shrug.

"How lame," groused Cassie, clearly irritated. "I mean, I could believe the whole 'magic hat' thing because magic is just technology we don't understand, and I've certainly seen my share of that, but the ending? Whatever."

Jack started to respond, but didn't make it past opening his mouth before Cassie continued.

"And I'm okay with the main character dying at the end. Bad things happen to good people and all that, but they just find his hat? Come on! That's ridiculous!"

Jack held up a hand and stopped Cassie's tirade. "Now, hold on, Cass. When did you become such a cynic?"

Cassie gave Jack a look that didn't need interpretation. She didn't need to say _Seriously?_ out loud. What she did say was, "Oh, I don't know. Since everyone on my entire planet died and I'm suddenly from 'Toronto'?"

The sarcasm dripping from her voice made Janet chuckle from her spot across the room, and Jack looked up at the doctor.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," answered Janet, with a shake of her head.

"No, what?" repeated Jack.

Janet laughed. "I just think someone might be spending too much time with her Uncle Jack. She's beginning to sound like you."

Jack's mouth fell open and he put a hand to his chest in mock innocence. "Moi?"

Janet just laughed at his response, and Jack turned back to Cassie.

"Can you believe this?" he asked, hooking a thumb at Janet.

Cassie grinned. "Oh, totally. She gives me grief all the time."

"You and me both, kid. Now, about the book," said Jack, chuckling and very intentionally turning his attention on anything other than the petite doctor, who was now mock glaring at him.

"What about it?" said Cassie.

"What exactly is your problem with it, if it's not the magic or the melting?"

Cassie rolled her eyes. "They only find his hat!" she complained, as if that explained everything.

Jack looked confused. "So?"

Cassie heaved a huge sigh, as if Jack was being deliberately obtuse. "Just his hat? Nothing else?"

"Well, yeah," said Jack, clearly still not understanding what Cassie was getting at.

"What about the rest of him?" asked Cassie.

Jack blinked. "The rest of him?"

Cassie sighed again, bigger this time, and continued at breakneck speed. "Yeah! The rest of him! And not the water part, either, though come to think of it, there should've been a puddle. And it wouldn't happen so fast. It'd be slow. But I guess that's too graphic for a book like this. I don't know. I think it'd be okay, but even if not, there's still the rest of him. He had a nose, eyes, and that dumb pipe. Where'd they go? If his hat was still here, what about those?"

Jack's mouth fell open as Cassie spoke. "That's sick, Cass," he said when she finally finished.

"What's sick about science?" asked Cassie. "Bodies don't just disappear. That doesn't make sense!"

Cassie stared at Jack, daring him to argue her point, but he seemed at a loss for words. Finally, after a moment, he answered.

"It's a children's story, Cassie! It doesn't have to make sense!"

Cassie was nonplussed. She absorbed Jack's words for a moment, then shook her head.

"I get that it's a kid's book," she said, "but still, it doesn't make sense. I demand a rewrite."

Jack threw his hands in the air as Janet burst out laughing from across the room. Jack looked over at her and shook his head, laughing himself. After a moment, he spoke.

"I'm done," he said. "I got nothing. Get out of here, you monkey."

He playfully swatted Cassie on the shoulder. She laughed and ran off.

Later, when Frosty was forgotten and Cassie was asleep, Jack and Janet sat in companionable silence on Janet's couch.

Jack nodded at Janet. "Thanks for letting me come over tonight," he said.

"Anytime," answered Janet, waving one hand in a dismissive gesture. "I'll take all the help I can get with her," she continued, waving the same hand toward Cassie's bedroom.

"I bet," Jack answered. He chuckled slightly, then grew quiet and took a sip of his wine. Something crossed his face that Janet couldn't quite identify, and she looked at Jack more closely.

"Hey," she said. "You okay?"

Jack blinked and looked up at her. "Yeah. Sorry. Just…"

He trailed off and shrugged. "You know, this time of year…"

Janet nodded.

"I bet," she said. And though her words were the same as Jack's from only a moment before, they held a completely different meaning. She knew Jack's history, and could barely imagine the pain of the holidays without the child you once loved.

Jack shrugged. "Yeah, well, things don't always turn out how we plan, right?"

A beat passed in silence. Before Janet could answer him, Jack spoke again.

"Take Frosty, for example. I did not see that coming!"

Jack's abrupt change of subject did not go unnoticed by his doctor, but she understood what it meant and played along.

"I know!" she said, smiling. "I swear that kid is going to be the death of me. She's so literal."

"Well, to be fair," said Jack, "she does have every right to act older than her age."

"True," admitted Janet, "but still. It'd be nice if she'd let us get away with a few things without scrutinizing them so closely."

Jack blinked at Janet and a smirk crept onto his face. He didn't speak, but his smirk slowly grew larger, and his body started to shake with suppressed laughter.

Janet tilted her head to one side in confusion. "What?" she asked.

"Well," said Jack, suddenly serious, "she is your daughter."

A long moment of silence passed before Janet slowly smiled up at Jack.

"Yeah," she said, "I suppose she is, isn't she?"

Jack nodded, a genuine smile on his face.

"She is," he confirmed. "Not that that'll stop me from being a bad influence every chance I get, mind you."

Janet laughed. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Colonel."

Jack blinked at Janet's use of his rank. It was habit and he knew it, but it still felt odd in her living room, and it reminded him of work in the morning. He slapped his hands on his knees and stood.

"Well, good," he proclaimed. "And on that note, I should probably get going. It's late. Let me know when Cassie wants to destroy _The Night Before Christmas_ for us, will ya?"

Janet laughed. "Of course," she said, standing to walk Jack to the door.

Jack shrugged into his coat and nodded. "Until then, Doctor."

"Until then," confirmed Janet.

Jack stepped outside into the cold Colorado night as Janet closed the door behind him. The sound of his truck heading down the road confirmed his departure and Janet quickly cleaned up the living room, then headed to bed. Before she turned in, though, she looked in on Cassie, blissfully asleep. She smiled at the sight, but it was a bittersweet expression, because she couldn't help but agree with Cassie on the major point of the evening. She wanted a rewrite, too, because if anyone deserved one, it was Jack O'Neill.

Janet shook her head a bit sadly and closed Cassie's door. Ten minutes later, after brushing her teeth and changing clothes, she tucked herself in. She wasn't sleepy just yet, though, so she pulled her laptop out and booted it up. Once it started, she opened her email account out of habit.

The first message she saw was from Samantha Carter. She opened it, then grinned widely at its contents.

_Janet –_

_So, Daniel and I are planning a little shindig at my place for Christmas. You're invited, of course. I'll send details later. But I wanted to know if you wanted to go in on hockey tickets for the Colonel. We're thinking of getting him season tickets to that new team that's coming to town. No pressure. Just let me know. _

_Thanks,_

_Sam_

Janet fired back a response in no time.

_Sam-_

_I'd love to chip in for the tickets, and just let me know the details on the party whenever. Should I bring Cassandra? I can get a sitter if you'd rather have it adults only. Just let me know._

Janet hit send, then answered a few more emails. When she finished, she closed her laptop and laid down, sleepy enough to turn in for real. As she clicked off her bedside lamp and laid down, Janet smiled. Sam's email had reminded her of something important. No one can change the past, but sometimes, when people get very lucky, they manage to survive it, and Jack O'Neill was proof positive of that.

After all, he'd never get a rewrite, but the ending to his story got a massive edit when he met his team.

xxx

A/N: 1-this is set in the first season, shortly before Cassie's first Christmas. SG-1 has not yet encountered the zat gun, so there is not yet any retconning of bodies disappearing. Thus, Cassie is completely correct. *grin* 2-the Colorado Gold Kings played in Colorado Springs from 1998-2002, and since season one coincides with 1997, a new hockey team was indeed coming to town soon. I'm taking liberty with the definition of "soon" for the purposes of this fic. 3-oh, how I wanted Sam to text Janet, but oh how this fic takes place in 1997 and oh how I couldn't do that. But I had a laptop in 2002, and I figure the SGC would be worlds ahead of little old me, so… *grin* 4-I'm sure most don't need this, but the book referenced is of course _Frosty the Snowman_, by Annie North Bedford.


	9. The Clothes Make the Man

**The Clothes Make the Man**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: S/J - Angst, Romance, Humor. Features Jack, Sam, and Daniel.  
Season: Post-series.  
Spoilers: Nothing specific.  
Summary: Sometimes, a snowman is more than a snowman. Or is it?  
Word Count: 953.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Winter Wonderland. _(Holiday Fic). Also, this one is for my Hoodies: Taj because she loves Sam/Jack, Deb because she gave me a Christmas ornament that demonstrates this trait perfectly, and Becky because reasons.

xxx

I haven't done this in ages.

Not since Charlie.

But somehow, it's okay. I won't pretend this isn't bittersweet, but it's okay. I'm okay.

In fact, I'm better than okay. I'm good. This is fun. Probably more fun that it should be, and certainly enough fun that my knees will make me pay for it later.

But still, I'm glad we're doing this.

And when Daniel asks what we made with a mischievous gleam in his eye, I can't help but laugh when Sam answers his question with another far more sarcastic question.

"What do you think it is?"

Daniel smirks. "Well, it looks like a snowman," he says, and I clap him on the shoulder.

"Congratulations, Daniel," I say, "you're a genius."

Daniel's smirk grows, and suddenly I'm worried. I'm not sure what he's up to.

"Well, yes," he says, all mock arrogance. "But you know what the song says."

I blink, and Sam voices my thoughts. "The song?" she asks, clearly baffled.

"Yes, the song," answers Daniel, as if she's an idiot.

"What song?" I ask, more confused than both of them.

Daniel grins and starts to dance a little. That's when I remember that he drank a couple beers before we came out, and I groan as he starts to sing.

"In the meadow we can build a snowman," he starts, and I stop him right there.

"No," I say. "No singing."

Sam laughs as Daniel actually pouts. "But it's so much fun," he says, looking for all the world like a ten-year-old.

I shake my head. "Too bad. Not allowed."

Daniel's pout turns into another grin. "Okay. I'll stop," he says. "If you answer the question."

"What question?" I ask.

"The one about what he is," Daniel says, gesturing to the snowman Sam and I made before all this started.

"She already told you! It's a snowman!"

Sam laughs again, and look to her for help. "Do you know what he's on about?" I ask.

"No clue," she says with a shrug.

Daniel shrugs back. "Okay, you asked for it," he says, then breaks into song again.

"And pretend that he is Parson Brown…"

He trails off, and I feel my eyes get wide. Suddenly, I know what he's asking. I look at Sam, and her cheeks somehow grow more red than the cold has made them as she suddenly cuts Daniel off.

"Daniel!" she yells, as wide-eyed as I am.

He gives her an innocent look. "What?"

She glares at him. "It's just a snowman, okay?"

Daniel sighs. "Fine. I'm going back inside. You're no fun."

He's gone a moment later, and I walk over to the snowman. I jab a pine cone into his face a bit harder than I mean to, and while I'm sure he's happy to have a nose, Sam's brow scrunches up under her hat, and her voice sounds concerned when she speaks a second later.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?" I answer. I can hear the gruffness in my voice, and I don't like it.

"You okay?"

I shrug. "Yeah. Of course. I mean, the song has another verse, right? I guess this guy's just a clown, then, huh? Just a bit of fun?"

I look down at the ground, and everything is quiet for a minute. Suddenly, I wish we hadn't done this after all.

The crunch of snow under Sam's boots breaks the silence, and I turn my head as she comes to stand beside me.

"I don't know," she says, not looking at me but instead tilting her head in thought as she studies our creation. "He does have a bit of an official look to him."

"What do you mean?" I ask, a bit baffled.

She tilts her head the other way and keeps scrutinizing the snowman, but doesn't say anything for a long while. I'm beginning to think she's forgotten I'm there and the snowman is some sort of experiment when she slowly speaks. "Yeah, he might be some sort of minister. It's hard to say."

I blink, suddenly realizing what she's saying. I lick my lips as I try to formulate a response, but no words come out. I'm too flabbergasted to answer her. After a moment of this, she finally turns to me.

She sees my shocked expression and grins.

The she punches me on the arm playfully and laughs.

"Well, you can't really blame me for not being sure," she says.

I blink at her, still shocked but now confused, too, and she continues as she looks away from me and gestures to the snowman. She moves her hand up and down in an all-encompassing gesture.

"Well, you can't really tell what he is," she says, pausing for just a second and then plowing on. "What, with him being naked and all."

I burst out laughing at that. Sam joins me, and suddenly this is fun again.

In fact, it's more than fun, and maybe, come springtime… well, I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

Sam shivers, and I notice for the first time in a long time that I'm cold, too.

I nod my head toward the cabin, and she nods back.

When we get inside, we find Daniel asleep on the sofa, but we don't mind.

After all, he remembered to replenish the logs on the fire.

And for now, that's all two old soldiers need.

Well, that and maybe just a bit of time to conspire.

And no, not about the damn snowman. That'll work itself out later.

But getting back at Daniel for picking now, of all times, to finally get a clue about me and Sam?

Now, that, friends, needs to be planned.


	10. Just Smile and Nod

**Just Smile and Nod**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Drabble. Gen. Humor. Teal'c POV.  
Season: Any, though five makes the most sense.  
Spoilers: Itty bitty one for Ascension, I suppose, and a knowledge of Star Wars helps.  
Summary: Sometimes, it's best just to just smile and nod. Or in Teal'c's case, just nod.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Counting. _(Holiday Fic).

xxx

I have always believed O'Neill to be far more intelligent than he pretends.

Until now.

For I certainly thought him wiser than this. I assumed that anyone, even a neophyte like O'Neill, could guess that I already own this movie - in its original cinematic form.

Obviously, I was mistaken.

But I keep my thoughts to myself.

Instead of informing O'Neill that this has no place in my home, I nod gratefully toward my friend.

For the Tau'ri saying is correct.

Even when one is gifted the Special Edition of the Star Wars trilogy, it is indeed the thought that counts.


	11. Indebted

**Indebted**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Double Drabble. Gen. Humor. Sam POV.  
Season: Late one or early two.  
Spoilers: Cassandra's Origin.  
Summary: Janet owes Sam big time for this one.  
Disclaimer: Just playing in the gateroom. Don't mind me.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Pay. _

xxx

I wanted to say no.

I really did.

I mean, babysitting five thirteen-year-old girls isn't exactly my cup of tea.

But Janet's my best friend, and I just couldn't turn her down.

Not when she said that Cassie had been planning this for ages and that she was supposed to have the night off but Dr. Peterson was down with the flu and Dr. Chen was out on maternity leave two weeks early but that the baby was doing fine and by the way the other parents all said it was still okay as long as someone was there and how she'd ask the guys but the girls would be more comfortable with a woman and her voice took on that hysterical edge it gets when she's about to lose it completely.

And so here I am.

Listening to a quintet of wanna-be rockers jamming out to the _Spice World_ soundtrack.

Again.

A song finishes and squeals demand yet another repeat. The song starts over.

At this point, I'm not longer certain of my sanity. I only know two things.

One, that Janet is the lucky one, despite working tonight.

And two, that she's so going to pay for this.


	12. Payback

**Payback**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Double Drabble. Gen. Humor with a bit of angst. Daniel POV.  
Season: Any.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Payback's a bitch, Jack.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Attitude._

xxx

He said he didn't like my attitude.

Said I was being unreasonable.

Well, I'm sorry, but how was I supposed to act?

Those idiots completely contaminated a two-thousand-year-old archeological goldmine – both figurative and literal – and I'm supposed to, what, do a dance of joy?

I don't think so.

But still, somehow I was the bad guy for laying into them.

I was the one who got dragged aside and told to back off.

I'm the one not allowed back in there until I "cool off."

Not those meatheads.

I suppose Jack's got to stick with the jocks, but I honestly thought he'd have my back on this one. I thought I'd proved how valuable thoughtful investigation into the past can be when dealing with the Stargate (not to mention serious riches) a long time ago.

Guess not.

Tell you what, though.

If Jack didn't like my attitude today, he'd best not listen when I report all of this back to Hammond.

Because I intend to.

Know what else I'm planning?

A very special gift for my dear team leader, who just happens to be my Secret Santa assignment this year.

Yeah, he'll be lucky to get a lump of coal after this.


	13. How to Speak Jack O'Neill

**How to Speak Jack O'Neill**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Double Drabble. Gen. Humor. Angst. Daniel POV.  
Season: Any.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Daniel discovers a gaping hole in his education.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Curriculum. _(Not holiday fic.)

xxx

I'm done.

I can't do this anymore.

I'd rather babysit a rookie's first contact or negotiate a trade agreement.

Hell, I'd even sit through _Star Wars_ with Teal'c again if it got me out of this.

Because I've had this argument over and over, and it never gets settled, no matter how I approach it.

So I quit.

I'm through talking about it.

Notify the press, because I'm admitting that this is one time talking isn't going to help.

It's just going to make me madder.

He seems to at least agree with that, because he storms out of my office without another word. As the door slams, I shake my head and sigh.

I try to go back to my latest project, but I'm way too worked up to concentrate.

I lean back in my chair and close my eyes for a moment.

When I open them, I'm staring at one of my degrees on the wall, and I can't help but laugh.

Because I've had a lot of training in language and culture, and you'd think I could handle this, but I can't.

No one ever included a module on how to speak Jack O'Neill in their curriculum.


	14. That Time of the Month

**That Time of the Month**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Gen. Hammond POV.  
Season: Six or thereabouts.  
Spoilers: Crystal Skull, Redemption Part I.  
Summary: It's that time of the month again. (And no, not the one you're thinking of.)  
Word Count: 874  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt: _Unit_.(Somewhat of a holiday fic.)

xxx

It's that time of the month.

Time to meet with Colonel O'Neill regarding the off-world duty roster.

Again. It seems like we just did this, and here we are again. That's a mixed blessing, really. Neither one of us much enjoys scheduling, but we've managed to make this mundane chore of the SGC less mind-numbing through the years. We usually review the team assignments over lunch somewhere other than our respective offices, and it helps break up the monotony of the less-glorious side of Stargate Command. We are mostly colleagues then, and perhaps friends, rather than superior and subordinate. That's nice for both of us. I've come to look forward to these little outings, despite their very basic nature.

Still, I wish we could skip this month.

He's always grumpier than usual this time of year, and getting him to agree to anything, even something as simple as duty rosters, is nearly impossible.

I'm sure he wouldn't admit that even if he were aware of it, which I'm don't think he is, but it's true.

He's a bear during the holidays, and everyone knows it but him.

Granted, I understand why.

I can't imagine what it's like to lose a child, and Christmas has to be rough. The fact that he takes that out on everyone else really isn't that surprising. As a father and grandfather, I really do get it.

I saw Kayla just last night. She was trying to be on her best behavior, since Santa's coming soon, and the memories of her antics are still making me smile.

So I can see why he gets a testy this time of year.

It can't be easy.

Still, the show must go on, as they say. These schedules won't approve themselves, and it's nearly thirteen hundred, so I've got to get going.

I meet up with Colonel O'Neill in the Officer's Mess, and we get to work.

As we do, I notice something out of place.

He's grinning. He's trying not to, of course. He's trying to be professional and just get the job done. But I can see a little smirk playing at the corners of his mouth, and I can't help but ask about its origin.

"You're in a good mood today, Colonel," I remark.

Jack looks up from a days off request and raises his eyebrows at me. "I am?"

I smile at him. "You seem to be. What's got you so happy?"

He actually chuckles. "Oh, well, ya see…" he starts. I prompt him to continue and he runs a hand through his hair. "It's Teal'c. Well, Daniel and Teal'c. Okay, and Carter, too."

"Oh?" I ask, now intrigued.

"Yeah," he says. He leans back in his chair and relaxes a bit. "See, Daniel and Carter played this joke on Teal'c. They convinced him that Elvis was not only still alive but actually an experiment in cloning and that impersonators weren't impersonators but real and…well, you had to be there, but it was classic."

I laugh, not having the slightest bit of difficulty imagining the scene he's describing. It reminds me of when my own kids were teenagers and I can't help but see the similarities between parenting teens and herding SG teams. I'm also struck by something else. Something I can't believe it's taken me this long to realize: Jack isn't the only one with a right to be testy during the holidays.

Teal'c lost his wife, and he gets to see his son rarely at best. Granted, his holidays are different, but that's hardly the point.

Daniel Jackson is a mess of might-have-beens.

And Major Carter is trying to make amends with a father who is now host to an alien.

Every member of my flagship team is a right mess when examined individually.

But somehow, together, they work.

The colonel laughs with me and then picks up the schedule change request again. "So, back to the subject at hand. Are we gonna let Reynolds off for New Year's or not?" he asks, and I shrug.

"Oh, I don't know," I say. "What has he done lately to give us trouble?"

Jack chuckles. "Oh, not much. Not as much as Daniel, anyway."

I laugh. "Agreed. Grant the request."

Jack signs the paper and slides it over to me. I do the same and file it in our box of completed paperwork.

It doesn't take long before we finish the rest of our duties, and then we go our separate ways again.

As I walk back to my office, I can't help but smile.

Yes, SG-1 has been through a lot, and somehow I don't think the universe is done making them suffer, but I know that together, they'll be okay. They'll pull through whatever this crazy job throws their way as a team – because that's what they do.

I reach my office and sit down at my desk. Kayla stares out at me from a photo there, and suddenly I realize that using the word "team" for SG-1 is a bit of a misnomer.

Unit is a better word, but only if you put another word in front of it.

Because while they may not be a traditional family, but they're one hell of a family unit.


	15. Parental Punishment

**Parental Punishment**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Drabble. Gen. Janet POV.  
Season: Early.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Kid's plays are often torture for their parents. This one is no exception.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Cattle_. (Somewhat of a holiday fic.)

xxx

Why did it have to be cows?

Of all the animals in the manger, why did this director have to pick cows as his chorus?

I mean, Cassie is playing one of those cows, so I want to be here, but it's killing me.

And no, not the music, though it's not Mozart. Something else is torturing me.

It wouldn't be so bad if they were sheep. Or donkeys. Or camels. Whatever. Just not cows.

Because I'm _starving._

And I don't like mutton and eating donkeys and camels seems wrong, but I'd _kill_ for a good steak right about now.


	16. Tongue Twister

**Tongue Twister**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Double Drabble. Gen. Daniel POV.  
Season: Post-movie, but pre-series.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Even Daniel Jackson sometimes can't quite get his brain (or his tongue) around words.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Beans_. (Somewhat of a holiday fic.)

xxx

Whether it's Thanksgiving turkey or Christmas ham or even birthday cake, food is a big part of human celebrations – or at least it was on Earth.

Turns out it's a big deal here, too.

Now, I don't pretend to know all of the Abydonian holidays yet, but I remember this one.

It's some sort of harvest festival, but no matter how many times I try to learn its actual name, I somehow always manage to mangle it. So, to me, it's bean day.

Yes, God help me, I call it bean day.

Because seriously, I never knew you could make so many different things from beans.

Granted, only one kind of bean grows well here (don't ask me how), but people make the most of it. We've got baked beans, fried beans, raw beans, whole beans, bean casseroles, what looks like bean dip, and heaven knows what else.

Most of the dishes are good. A few are wonderful and the rare one is terrible. But all of them are beans. All beans, all the time.

So, yeah. Sorry, Skarra. You can tell me again and again what this holiday is called, but it's always going to be bean day to me.


	17. Siler's Night

**Siler's Night**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG (mild language).  
Category: Triple Drabble. Gen. Siler POV.  
Season: Any.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: There's a saying in the Air Force that nobody kicks ass without tanker gas. And it's true. Of course, some of the other military sayings are just as true, and Siler knows that better than anyone.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Passage. _(Real-world holiday fic.)  
Dedication: Hoo-rah, support crews of all types!

xxx

Sometimes, this job really sucks.

I get burned, cut, knocked out, and shocked more than should be legal.

But hazard pay mostly makes up for that, and I like to think I'm pretty tough. I can deal with injuries.

So, no, it's not the bumps and bruises that get to me. It's_ this_ part of the job that drives me nuts.

I mean, it's Christmas Eve, for Pete's sake.

I should be home wrapping presents or getting drunk on eggnog or doing some other equally festive and traditional activity. I should not be deep underground tinkering with moody machinery.

But here I am.

Trying to appease the most temperamental piece of equipment it's ever been my pleasure to service.

She's being particularly moody tonight, and I can't help but sigh and curse at her under my breath while I put yet another bandage on a yet another bloodied knuckle. This is so not my night.

And you know the worst part?

The fact that me and my guys might get a pat on the back every now and then, but we'll never get any sort of glory for this.

But I guess that's life. Or at least my life. As the saying goes, behind every good General is a better Chief Master Sergeant, and the same rule applies here. Behind every good SG team, there's a better maintenance team.

So I'll keep working, because it's my job.

And because frankly I'm not the only one missing Christmas right now. Four of my favorite people are off world tonight, and they can't get home until I fix this mess.

So hang tight, SG-1.

You know I can't guarantee things on your end, but as for mine, well… I'll beat her.

And come hell or high water, you'll have safe passage home.


	18. Curriculum Jocosum

**Curriculum Jocosum**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Drabble. Gen. Daniel POV.  
Season: Ten, I suppose.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Daniel's CV is actually pretty funny, if you think about it.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Resume (as a noun). _(Not a holiday fic.)

xxx

Outside of the SGC, this would be a good practice. Keeping things current and all.

But as it stands?

It's an exercise in futility.

Because if I ever leave the SGC, I'll have a lot to explain.

After all, a ten-year gap in work experience looks awfully strange.

I suppose I'll have some sort of false history provided for me if that ever happens.

So I know it's asinine to keep up with this, but I can't help it, and honestly, it's worth it for laughs alone.

Because can you imagine the response if anyone actually saw my real resume?


	19. Carry On

**Carry On**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: G  
Category: Drabble. Gen. Humor. Jack POV.  
Season: Later.  
Spoilers: Daniel's character arc.  
Summary: Nothing to see here. Nothing at all.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Resume (as a verb). _(Not a holiday fic.)

xxx

Daniel's back.

From the dead.

Again.

You'd think something like that would at least raise some eyebrows, but believe it or not, it's routine.

It's old hat by now.

So I say let's resume activity as usual.

This is just another day in the life of Daniel Jackson and the SGC.

Carry on.

Nothing important going on here.

Well, unless you count that Siler won the pool and that once again Daniel was returned to us without a stitch of clothing.

Which I do.

Because Siler owes me money and Daniel's Emperor's New Clothes act is never, ever getting old.


	20. Santa's Not-So-Little Helpers

**Santa's Not-So-Little Helpers**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Gen. Team friendship.  
Season: Nine or Ten. (Features original SG-1, however.)  
Spoilers: Bad Guys (minor).  
Summary: It's raining and miserable and Jack's not bothering with the holidays. Good thing no one told his old team that.  
Word Count: 1172  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Pouring. _(Holiday fic.)

xxx

Jack O'Neill shouldered open his door, then stepped inside and closed it behind him.

As he did, he shivered. He was soaked to the skin and damn cold to boot, so he shucked off his jacket and boots. He left them by the door and immediately headed to the bathroom, where he turned shower on full hot and waited for the water to get warm before shedding the rest of his clothes and jumping in.

Twenty long minutes later, he was finally warm, so he turned off the water.

He dressed and then heated up a bowl of canned soup.

Dinner in hand, he settled down in front of the TV with a blanket over his lap, content to just while away the evening. He turned on the television and started surfing through the channels as he ate.

What he saw there made him heave a great sigh.

Was it already that time of year?

Time for holiday movie marathons and repeats of everything else?

It was only mid-December, for crying out loud!

Apparently, that was late enough, though, because that's all Jack could find to watch.

He finished up his soup while he continued to flick through the channels. He skipped over black and white classics, bungling burglars, animated tales, and even that twisted mix of Halloween and Christmas that usually tickled his fancy. Eventually, though, he turned the TV off. He just wasn't in the mood for holiday hijinks of any kind.

He looked around and realized that he hadn't even put up any decorations this year. Usually, he at least made an effort, but he'd just been so busy lately that he hadn't found the time and since it was just him it seemed silly to go through all the trouble. Plus, he was only in Colorado for a week, so he figured it wouldn't make any difference.

It's not like anyone would notice.

Besides, it had been pouring down rain for days, and that certainly didn't help his mood. He simply had no desire to hang lights on the house or drag a tree in from outside, and he hated artificial trees even more than he hated pine needles, water, and mud in the house.

So he just hadn't bothered.

It had seemed the right choice at the time, but now the house seemed more than a bit desolate.

Jack sighed again and went to put his dishes away.

As he set them in the sink, someone knocked on the door.

Confused, Jack stood in his kitchen for a minute, not sure if he'd actually heard the knock or if a tree branch was playing tricks on him. It was still raining like crazy outside (which, by the way, he considered very wrong weather for Christmas), and he thought that might have made the sound, but when the knock repeated itself, he shrugged and made his way to the door, now pretty sure it was real.

When he opened the door a moment later, three shivering people greeted him with three words simultaneously.

"Sir," said Carter.

"O'Neill," Teal'c intoned.

"Jack," greeted Daniel.

Jack snorted a laugh, then tilted his head sideways at them.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked.

Daniel answered him before the others could. "At the moment, freezing our asses off on your porch. Can we come in?"

Jack blinked and nodded, seeming to just then realize the plight of his friends and the rain pelting both them and him as he stood in the doorway.

He opened the door wide and ushered them in.

"Thanks," said Daniel. Sam and Teal'c nodded their gratitude as well.

All three of them shook themselves a bit and removed their coats and boots. After that, Teal'c beamed at Jack. "We have brought a festive film, O'Neill," he said, holding up a DVD in a bag.

Jack was clearly confused. "Um… why?"

"Seriously?" asked Daniel.

Jack blinked. "Uh, yeah," he responded.

"We heard you were in town," said Daniel. "Thought you might like some company."

"Ah," said Jack. "I forgot about the old SGC grapevine."

"Exactly," said Daniel, "though why you didn't tell us yourself is quite another thing…"

Daniel trailed off and pinned Jack with a hurt look.

"I didn't want to bother you guys," said Jack. "I know it's a busy time of year, and…"

It was Jack's turn to trail off, as Sam joined Daniel in giving him an incredulous look and he clearly grew uncomfortable. He ran a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck, then looked up at them sheepishly and shrugged. They continued to just stare at him, and it was Teal'c who broke the silence.

"It is indeed a hectic time, O'Neill, but we are here now," he said, an admonishment in his tone. "So let us make the best of it. Now, I have heard this film is a classic for this time of year. Perhaps we could retire to the living room and watch it?"

Jack nodded mutely, and Daniel and Sam relaxed. The big guy had a point.

"Not until I make snacks," said Daniel, holding up a grocery bag.

"I'll help," said Sam. "I'm hungry."

Jack gestured them toward the kitchen. "By all means," he said. "Be my guest."

"Thanks," said Daniel, who disappeared with Sam.

Jack headed toward the living room with Teal'c, happy to see his friends but still worried about his mood. If Teal'c had brought _White Christmas_ or _Frosty the Snowman_, he might have to shoot someone. Singing wasn't really his chosen form of entertainment. So he very intentionally didn't ask what the movie was as he settled in and Teal'c loaded the DVD into the player.

Five minutes later, Sam and Daniel returned with big bowls of popcorn and steaming mugs of cocoa for everyone. Everyone took theirs and found a comfortable spot to view the movie, and Jack hit play on the remote.

As he did, he apologized for the lack of décor in the house. "Sorry there's not a tree or anything, guys," he said. "I wasn't expecting company."

Daniel shrugged and Sam waved off his words.

"No big deal, sir," she said.

Teal'c, for his part, merely nodded toward the television. "Indeed it is not, O'Neill. For I am told this movie has enough holiday cheer to more than compensate for any lack of decoration."

Jack smiled at this, but he was still concerned about said film.

That is, until it started and it was plain which movie Teal'c had brought.

Jack leaned back on his couch and grinned broadly.

Daniel rolled his eyes, and Sam laughed at them both.

Two hours later, Daniel was sleeping soundly, Teal'c was analyzing John McClane's decisions, and Sam and Jack were expounding on how _Die Hard_ really is quite possibly the perfect holiday movie.

The rain continued to pour outside, and the house still wasn't decorated, but somehow, those things no longer mattered, because thanks to Santa's not-so-little helpers, for Jack O'Neill it was suddenly Christmastime after all.


	21. Not Quite Right

**Not Quite Right**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Gen. Jack and Daniel Friendship. Jack POV.  
Season: Seven.  
Spoilers: Fallen and Homecoming, I suppose (Daniel story arc).  
Summary: Coming back from the dead, well, it changes a guy, you know?  
Word Count: 327.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Approximation. _(Mild holiday fic.)

xxx

It's one of those things: you either love it or you hate it.

And I love it. Especially when Daniel makes it.

I don't know what he does, but his is the best I've had since my grandfather died, and old man O'Neill knew his stuff, so that's saying something.

So, when Daniel offered to make some for the annual holiday party, I took him up on the offer.

He seemed happy to be contributing something, so I grinned at him and said I'd be honored to have the first taste. He smiled back, and some of the awkwardness he'd had about him lately slipped away for a moment. It was good to see that, and I hope we see it more soon. The uncertainty around him is hard to take sometimes. Granted, I really can't blame him for not being sure of himself. I can see how coming back from the dead could have that effect. Heck, I'm not sure how to act around the guy half the time, and I'm not the one with the Swiss cheese memory.

So I agreed to be his very-much-willing guinea pig.

And here I am.

Daniel stares at me expectantly, and I tip back my glass, anticipating the sweetness I remember so well.

A moment later, I'm swallowing thickly and trying not to sputter. I manage, though I'm not sure how.

Daniel's brow furrows. "Something wrong?" he asks. "I thought it was pretty good."

And just like that, the uncertainly is back.

I swallow again and shake my head. "Nope," I say. "It's perfect."

I just can't bring myself to say anything else, and I'm glad when Daniel's smile returns, but maybe I'll have to rethink letting him have a weapon again after all.

Because this?

This isn't even an approximation of what Daniel is capable of.

And if this is how he remembers his kick-ass eggnog, his memory is a lot more messed up than we thought.


	22. Mother Knows Best

**Mother Knows Best**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG-13.  
Category: Gen. Jack, Daniel, and Cassie featured.  
Season: Early.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Cassie's got an interesting question.  
Word Count: 840.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Virgin. _(Not holiday fic.)

xxx

Jack O'Neill poked his head into Daniel's office, clearly looking for the archeologist.

When he found him at his desk, Jack smiled and walked into the room.

Daniel looked up and nodded. "Hey, Jack. What's up?"

"Nothing," said Jack, with an exaggerated shrug.

Daniel raised his eyebrows at Jack, not buying that for a minute.

"Nothing?" he asked.

Jack grinned. "Well, it's just that Cassie had a question for you, is all."

Daniel looked confused. "Cassie?"

"Oh, she'll be along in a minute," said Jack. "Stopped off at the bathroom."

"I see," said Daniel. "And she has a question for me."

"Well, that depends," said Jack.

Daniel looked even more confused. "On what?"

Just then, Cassandra Fraiser skipped into the office.

"Daniel!" she greeted.

"Hi, Cass," said Daniel. "I hear you have a question for me?"

Cassie bounded over to Daniel and plunked herself down in his lap.

"Yep," she said, sounding like Jack.

"Well?" prompted Daniel.

"Uncle Jack says you're an expert on words," said Cassie.

Daniel grinned. "Well, yes," he said, all false modesty.

"So," said Cassie, "he said I should ask you my question. I don't think he knew the answer."

Daniel tried valiantly not to grin wider, but he failed miserably. He stole a glance at Jack, but his CO was suddenly very interested in one of Daniel's degrees on the wall.

"Fire away, Cass," said Daniel after a moment.

Cassie beamed and Daniel reached for his coffee cup, taking a slow sip just as Cassie spoke.

"What's a virgin?"

Daniel choked on his coffee but somehow managed not to spew it all over the child in his lap. After a moment of sputtering, he turned to Jack, who was biting his lip but hadn't made a sound. He glared at the older man, but his look bounced right off.

"What?" asked Cassie. "Is that a bad word or something?"

Daniel shook his head and focused on Cassie again. "No, sweetie. It's not a bad word. It's just that, um… well… it's, um…"

Daniel trailed off and looked back up at Jack. Jack merely waved and stepped toward the door. He wagged his eyebrows at Daniel once, then spoke to Cassie.

"Cass, I'm going to go check on your mom, okay? See if she and Sam are done in the lab yet."

"Okay," answered Cassie, unaware of the silent conversation going on around her.

Daniel gave Jack a disbelieving look and watched him go, incapable of words for a moment. Eventually, he was brought back to the subject at hand by Cassie.

"Well?" asked Cassie.

Daniel blinked. "Well what?" he asked, hoping Cassie would change the subject.

He had no such luck. "What's a virgin, then? Uncle Jack said you would know, and if it's not a bad word, tell me what it means."

Daniel opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"It's when, um…" Daniel started, then trailed off. After a second, he started again. "It means inexperienced. That's all."

"So, a virgin is like a beginner at something?" asked Cassie.

Daniel nodded. "Yeah. Something like that."

"Oh. Okay," said Cassie, satisfied for the moment but still wondering what all the fuss was about. She was thinking hard on that, and it showed in her expression. That worried Daniel.

Suddenly, he clapped his hands together. "Tell you what. Why don't we go find your mom?" he said, and before Cassie could ask for more clarification, he continued on. "That way, if she is done in the lab, you can get your things from the infirmary so you can head home. Isn't your favorite TV show on tonight? You wouldn't want to miss it. Come on. I know she and Sam only had a few things left to do on their simulation."

Cassie shrugged. "Okay," she said.

Daniel sighed inwardly as Cassie hopped off his lap and trotted out the door. He followed her knowing he'd dodged a bullet, because if there was one thing he knew about Cassandra Fraiser, it's that she wouldn't believe his explanation for long. Not with both he and Jack responding to it as they did. He knew she'd be suspicious and that this topic would come up again. She'd either hit up a dictionary and then proudly proclaim Daniel to be wrong over dinner one night or she'd ask her mom for more info. Either option was fine by him - as long as he didn't have to talk about this anymore right now.

Of course, he'd give Janet fair warning that it might be time to have some serious heart-to-heart conversations with Cassie. That was more than Jack had done for him, but that was beside the point. He'd get even with Jack later. For now, he was just glad to get out of the conversation.

Because word expert or not, there were some conversations he simply wasn't prepared to have.

And besides, this was one case where the old sayings were true.

Discretion really is often the better part of valor, and sometimes, mother really does know best.


	23. It's Different with Your Own

**It's Different with Your Own**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Double Drabble. Gen. Janet POV.  
Season: Pre-seven.  
Spoilers: Broca Divide, Brief Candle.  
Summary: They say it's different with your own.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Major. _(Not holiday fic.)

xxx

They say it's different with your own.

And Lord knows I've seen that enough to know it's true.

Still, I thought I'd be different. Like countless doctors before me, I thought I was the exception to the rule. Given that I've seen people transformed into cavemen, several types of alien possessions, extremely rapid aging, and all sorts of other oddities, weird is part of my job. You'd think a little blood wouldn't bother me, no matter who's it was. And since I've also seen my share of truly gruesome wounds, you'd be right to think that.

Too bad you'd be wrong.

Turns out a simple laceration on Cassie's arm (while not enough to panic me, thank you very much) was enough to cause a frantic drive to the emergency room.

Now that Cass is patched up and sleeping off her pain meds, I feel pretty sheepish.

I probably could've taken her to a minor emergency clinic or driven the extra distance to the SGC or even sutured her up myself.

But it's like they say.

When it's your kid, all bets are off. In that case, there are no minor emergencies.

When it's yours and there's blood, everything is major.


	24. Kung-Fu Fighting

**Kung-Fu Fighting**  
Fandom: Stargate SG-1  
Rated: PG  
Category: Gen. Team.  
Season: Anytime post-eight, but likely post-series.  
Spoilers: None.  
Summary: Sometimes, it doesn't matter if you know the answer yourself. You just need to know someone who does.  
Word Count: 1253.  
Note: Written for the 2012 Ancient Obsessions Advent Prompt:_ Hacker. _(Holiday fic.) Thanks to sonria and sgteam14283 for the gift ideas. Also, better late than never, and, in the words of Wedge Antilles, we're all done here.

xxx

Daniel Jackson's eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he slowly opened the box in his lap.

"What is it?" asked Sam, curious as to why Daniel had such an odd look on his face.

Daniel blinked a few times and looked up from the box. "I'm not sure," he answered. He slowly pulled a second box out from the first and held it up for Sam to see.

"It's a worm farm kit!" squealed Sam. "I had one of those when I was a kid!"

Daniel gave her a look and held it at arm's length. After a moment, he looked to his right and asked a one-word question of the man sitting there.

"Jack?"

The older man smiled. "Yes, Daniel?"

"Why did you get me a worm farm?"

Jack blinked innocently at Daniel. "It was on your list."

"What list?" asked Daniel.

"Your wish list. Online," explained Jack.

Now it was Daniel's turn to blink. "Um… it was?"

Jack nodded. "Yep."

"Oh," muttered Daniel. He was clearly confused, but too polite to say anything more on the subject.

Jack spared him from his discomfort by looking at Sam.

"You gonna open yours, Carter?" he asked.

Sam picked up the box in front of her and tore off the wrapping paper in a manner most unbecoming a scientist of her stature. When she opened the box, she smiled. "It's a book," she said.

Daniel harrumphed. "Oh, she gets a book," he groused, clearly jealous of what he considered a far better gift than a worm farm kit.

Sam's face suddenly morphed into a look of confusion, though, and Daniel quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Something wrong, Sam?"

Sam merely held up the book. Daniel read the title and burst out laughing.

_A Creationist's View of the Universe_, it said, and Daniel just couldn't help himself. He laughed for a good thirty seconds straight before he managed to sputter a response to Sam.

"Oh, that's classic. I get mini-Goa'uld and you get anti-science rhetoric," he giggled.

This time, it was Sam who gave Jack the eyeball. "Nice, sir. Really funny," he snipped.

"What?" said Jack. "It was on your list! I'm telling you, I didn't buy anything you guys didn't ask for! I thought I did well! I mean, I'll grant you I thought that title was a bit odd for you, but I figured if you wanted it, you had a reason, right? So, there you go!"

"Sir, this was not on m wish list," stated Sam.

Jack's eyebrows rose. "Oh, really? Then why did I buy it from your wish list? Better check again."

"Oh, I will," answered Sam.

Jack just smiled back at her before turning to Teal'c.

"So, T. These two ingrates don't seem to like my presents. Why don't you open yours and see if you can redeem my pride."

Teal'c inclined his head toward Jack. "As you wish, O'Neill."

He methodically removed the paper from the package marked for him and removed a book that looked similar to Sam's. As he did so, he inclined his head in the other direction and then raised one eyebrow at Jack.

"Well?" prompted Jack.

Teal'c swallowed. "I fail to see the relevance of this particular book, O'Neill."

"What it is, Teal'c?" asked Daniel.

"A comparison of the merits of _Star Trek_ and _Star Wars_," answered Teal'c.

"Well, at least one of us got something appropriate," groused Sam.

Teal'c shook his head. "It postulates that _Star Trek_ is superior, Colonel Carter."

Daniel made a face of mock shock. "No!" he gasped, all sarcasm.

Teal'c glared at him.

After a moment, Daniel narrowed his eyes at Teal'c. "Let me guess," he said. "Not on your wish list."

"Indeed it was not, Daniel Jackson," answered Teal'c. "I did, in fact, make one of those at your suggestion this year, but I did not put this on it."

"Really," said Daniel, suspicions building.

Meanwhile, Sam had cracked open her laptop and was concentrating hard on the screen.

"Well, I hate to tell you this, Teal'c, but it looks like you did," she said.

Teal'c and Daniel both stared at her. "What?" asked Daniel.

Sam turned the computer around so that her teammates could see it. "See? Right here. It's in the history. And yours was the same, Daniel. Worm farm and all. Along with some books supposedly proving the pyramids are all a big hoax."

Daniel jumped out of his chair and went to stand behind Sam to get a closer look at the screen. Teal'c joined him a second later, and all three teammates looked more and more perplexed by the second.

For his part, Jack merely leaned back in his chair and grinned.

It wouldn't take his former team long to figure out what had happened, but for now, he'd take any satisfaction he could get.

After all, they had this coming for scaring him half to death by getting captured on their last mission.

And it's not like it had been hard to do.

He just hadn't been able to help himself.

One well-placed phone call to someone who owed him a favor and voila!

Instant revenge for all the headaches his former team caused him.

He grinned wider as Daniel started making incoherent noises, but then wiped his smile off his face as Carter's head suddenly snapped up. She got that intense look she got when she was thinking hard for just a second, then she glared at Jack.

Jack couldn't help but smirk. He knew the gig was up.

Sam pointed at him, "You!" she exclaimed.

Daniel and Teal'c suddenly focused on him as well.

"Jack?" asked Daniel, a bit bewildered.

Teal'c, for his part, merely raised an eyebrow, as usual.

"You did this," said Sam, now quiet but with certainty in her voice.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Carter," said Jack. He was the picture of innocence.

Sam wasn't buying it.

"Oh, no," she said. "I don't believe you. I saw you grinning over there. I don't know how, but you did this." She wagged a finger at him, but Jack did not respond.

Instead, Daniel spoke up. He was still confused.

"Wait. What happened here?" he asked.

Teal'c answered for Sam. "I believe O'Neill has somehow managed to alter our wish lists so that he could purchase these... things."

Jack grinned. "The phrase is 'gag gifts', T, and let's say, just for the sake of argument, mind you, that I did. I dare you to prove it."

Sam opened her mouth to say something, but then shut it again and just glared at her former CO wordlessly. Jack smirked back at her and nodded.

"That's what I thought," he said, all self-satisfaction. "Now, I wonder what else you'll get for Christmas this year…"

Sam's glare intensified, and Jack's smirk did the same.

That smirk told all three of his former teammates that he was guilty, but he knew that none of them would ever be able to trace the changes in their online wish lists back to him – not even Sam.

Because while Sam was good, she wasn't that good. When it came to this particular skill, her kung-fu was not the best. Good, yes, but not the best.

And if there was one thing Jack O'Neill had learned throughout his years of command, it was that being a leader wasn't about being the best, but about knowing where to find the best.

Well, that and to never underestimate the importance of an exceptional hacker.


End file.
